Breathe: A Love’s Complicated Novel Page 9

  Before I can make it to the door, Matt already has the door open, but heads back into the living room while I handle the delivery guy.

  “Amber,” the guy says holding up a bag and reading the order tag.

  “That’s me,” I say as I reach into my bag for my wallet to hand him some cash for the food.

  “Have a good night,” he says and hands me the bag before turning and walking off.

  “Food’s ready,” I say as I walk through the living room to the dining table. I set the table with napkins, forks, and water for each of us. The guys come in and take their places.

  “Thank you,” Matt says. I lean over and kiss him and Ryan starts making kissy noises behind us.

  “Amber and Matt sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.”

  Matt interrupts him before Ryan can finish. “You just wish you had a woman as awesome as I do.”

  It’s nice to see Matt laughing more. He’s been in so much pain since the accident and I’m happy he’s teasing someone other than me. Maybe I’ll encourage him to get out for a bit tomorrow. Plus, I’ll be at the office so he needs to find something to do to keep his spirits up.

  “Why haven’t I seen your brother come by?” I ask Matt. I know that the guys are all friends but I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t come by more often.

  “Did we talk about Miles?” he asks, his face marked with confusion.

  “No, Ryan told me about him and Aly when you were in the hospital. I’d asked if someone had called your parents and he told me that Miles had been around, but I didn’t meet him.”

  The guys look back and forth between each other, silently communicating.

  “Miles is different. When we were young we were really close. I wanted to be a fireman from the time I was little and Miles wanted to be a cop. Then one day, right after graduation, he decided he wanted to be a fireman too and he started EMT school. After he graduated he went to the academy.”

  He stops and takes a minute to eat before continuing.

  “When he was in EMT school, he met Livia. He fell head over heels in love with her and got married without telling anyone. A couple months later Liv was pregnant with Aly and we were all elated—Miles, mostly.”

  I’m pretty sure this story doesn’t have a happy ending, because the more Matt talks the more pinched his face gets. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.”

  Shaking his head he starts again. “No, it’s fine.” He downs the glass of water and looks at Ryan again. “After Aly was born, Liv wasn’t herself. She suffered from post partem depression and we all tried to help her with the baby and stuff when we could. One morning Miles came home from work and Aly was screaming at the top of her lungs. He went right to her and couldn’t figure out why Liv wasn’t trying to console her. He walked the apartment with Aly looking for Liv, but she wasn’t there.”

  “Are you telling me she left her baby alone?” I can’t imagine doing that.

  “She left a note saying that she couldn’t take care of Aly anymore and she’d be better off without Liv being around.”

  I look over at Ryan whose mouth is wide open. I wonder if this is the first time he’s heard the details of this story.

  “Man,” Ryan starts.

  Matt puts his hand up to stop Ryan from continuing.

  “For a couple weeks we looked everywhere for her. Her family didn’t know where she was. If they did, they wouldn’t tell us. Miles couldn’t take care of Aly alone, so he gave up his apartment and moved in with my parents. Liv’s been out of his life ever since.”

  I can’t imagine how Miles feels. I was a wreck after Jake but we weren’t married and there wasn’t an innocent child involved.

  “Other than our family, and now you guys, no one knows the whole story. He didn’t want sympathy from the guys so he kept it quiet. Mom and Dad spend most of their time taking care of Aly and making sure Miles takes care of himself. It’s been almost two years, but he is still in pain. Thank goodness for Aly, because when he’s with her it’s the only time any of us see him smile.”

  When I asked about Miles, I couldn’t have imagined this was the story Matt was going to tell us.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say, reaching to place my hand on Matt’s. He pulls it to his lips and gives me a wrist kiss.

  “Don’t worry about it. All I ask is that you guys don’t say anything since it’s not really my story to tell. He’s really sensitive about the subject.”

  Ryan and I nod and the guys go back to dinner—eating silently.

  After we finish eating, Ryan leaves and Matt heads to the bedroom for a shower while I clean up and get organized for the morning. I check my phone and notice I have a couple of messages.

  Carrigan: How’s Matt?

  Sutton: Yeah, how’s the man doing?

  Carrigan: Dinner soon?

  Sutton: Yes, let’s do it.

  Bri: Yes, let’s!

  I curl up on the couch with my phone and decide to answer all the questions.

  Amber: Hi ladies. Matt is doing well. We had dinner with Ryan tonight.

  Carrigan: Nice! Where’d you go?

  Bri: I need to meet these sexy firemen you keep talking about.

  Amber: I just ordered in and he came over.

  Sutton: Wait? Are you staying at Matt’s? Does that mean you guys are serious?

  Sutton: Bri, we need all the deets on Matt first.

  I was waiting for this question. It’s not as though I’ve been hiding whatever this is from them, it’s just that we haven’t come right out and made it official.

  Amber: Yeah, I’ve been staying here since he got out of the hospital.

  Carrigan: You go girl!

  Amber: It’s not like we’re having sex, the guy has a concussion.

  But that doesn’t mean we haven’t. I’m just not comfortable discussing all the dirty details with them.

  Bri: Sounds like it’s moving fast.

  Sutton: But it doesn’t mean it’s serious—whether you want to believe it or not.

  Sutton: Also, why haven’t I met this Ryan guy yet?

  Bri: Yeah, didn’t I already ask that.

  Amber: I guess you’ll have to make more of an effort to hang out with us. Besides, he was at the pool party and you were too busy.

  Carrigan: Oh geez. I can’t imagine you girls as teenagers.

  Amber: We were a mess.

  Sutton: Bri and Amber were the messes. I was just along for the ride.

  Carrigan: Let’s plan a time to get together. Whit is busy for a couple weeks, so I have loads of time before I leave for Boston.

  Amber: Sounds good. Let’s see how this weekend goes and I’ll call you to make plans.

  Carrigan: Yay. I’ll come by this weekend to see you guys. Want me to bring anything?

  Amber: Nah. We’re good.

  Sutton: I’m coming too.

  Amber: You’re invited anytime.

  Bri: Me too?

  Sutton: It’s a date. We will see you ALL this weekend.

  Amber: Okay. I’m headed to bed. Chat soon.

  Carrigan: Night.

  Sutton: Sleep well.

  It’s nice to catch up with my friends even if it is only over texting. It seems as though we don’t have time to get together much anymore with our schedules. Carrigan works for my brother planning large events and Sutton runs her dad’s business.

  I decide to send Carrigan a one-off text. I need her thoughts on a couple of things.

  Amber: I think I need your help.

  Carrigan: What’s wrong? I thought you said Matt was doing well.

  Amber: He is. But he’s not the issue. I am.

  Carrigan: What do you mean, you are? Explain, missy.

  Amber: You know I’ve been staying at Matt’s since he got home.

  Amber: I think he wants more.

  Carrigan: But do you? And be honest.

  Amber: Have you ever heard me talk about Phoebe, Jake’s sister?

  Carrigan: Yeah, but you guys don’t hang out much an
ymore, right?

  Amber: We don’t but after everyone left Lemon & Lavender, I walked out and I ran into Jake. Literally. He told me that Phoebe was in the hospital and wanted to see me.

  Carrigan: I guess that it’s true and she was.

  Amber: She was. I forgot about it with Matt’s accident until I saw her parents in the cafeteria.

  Carrigan: Did you go see her?

  Amber: I did. Do you know what she said to me?

  Carrigan: No idea.

  Amber: All she wished is that her friends and family to love and be loved.

  Carrigan: Wow. I guess when death is staring you in the face, love really is all there is.

  Amber: She’s right. I need to stop letting my past dictate my future.

  Carrigan: I agree with that.

  Amber: But we all have moments and once we recognize the behaviors that are hurting us, we can change them. This is my moment.

  Carrigan: I’m glad you’re moving on. Matt is a wonderful man and I can tell he cares about you.

  Amber: I’m going to crash. Have a good night.

  Carrigan: Call if you need me.

  Phoebe is right. If I was to die tomorrow, what would I want to do tonight? If I’m being honest with myself, I would admit to Matt that I love him. I really love him from the darkest depths of my soul. The scariest part of love is the unknown. Handing your heart to another requires trust that they care for the most important part of you.

  Also, if I don’t learn to let go of the past I’m going to live there for the rest of my life. That’s not what I want which means I’m going to make every effort to focusing on the positive and letting go of the past. I love Matt. Now, I just need to tell him.

  I jump up from the couch and head to the bedroom to get ready for bed.

  “You coming to bed?” he asks as soon as I open the door. My eyes are drawn to him spread out on the bed with just the sheet over his legs and hips. I don’t even realize I’m licking my lips until he comments.

  “I’ve got something you can lick if you’re ready.”

  It’s at that moment that I decide to have some fun with him. I place my phone on the charger and set it on top of his dresser before dropping my pants into a puddle on the floor. Then I pull my tank top over my head and drop it on top of my pants, and prance to the bathroom. I partially close the door and chuckle to myself as I brush my teeth. I hear Matt groan and I know we both need this, it’s been way too long. One swipe of lip balm and I turn off all the lights and make my way to the bed.

  Trying to keep it light, I start asking him about his time with Ryan. “Did you enjoy hanging out with Ryan?”

  I pull back the covers and try to get them straightened before crawling into bed with him. Staying with Matt I’ve realized that he sleeps naked all the time. However, since I know he’s not felt well, I had been making sure I was fully clothed before I crawled into bed so not to tempt him. But tonight, I don’t care. It’s a game of temptation and the bed is our island.

  “Really,” he says and turns over on his side. “You really want to talk about Ryan after prancing to the bathroom in your bra and panties?”

  I sit down on the bed and take my bra off before lying down and pulling the covers up over my breasts, then turning toward him. “Why Mr. Greenstone, what do you mean?” I bat my eyelashes, even though he can’t see much in the dark.

  “Don’t bat those pretty little lashes at me, baby,” he says. A booming laugh escapes me and I can’t stop it.

  “Did you see me bat my eyes at you?” I ask him.

  “I didn’t have to see it to know you did it.” He reaches for me, pulls me to him, then rolls me onto my back. I intertwine my legs with his and lock my arms behind his back. He leans down and places his lips on mine. The kiss starts out sweet and gentle. It progresses to a molten-hot level of passion that I’ve never experienced before. Yes, Matt and I have shared many sinful kisses but this one melts the ice around my heart.

  We lay together flesh against flesh and I realize I’ve changed. Everything has changed for me. I need to tell him how I feel—that I love him. But I also need him to understand that this—a relationship—won’t be easy for me. No matter how hard I try, I may slide backward and forget to focus on the positive. But as long as he’s with me, I will continue to try each day.

  “Matt,” I start. “I want to talk to you about something.”

  He places his finger on top of my lips before speaking. “Stop. Don’t think, just feel.”

  He’s right. I’m going to focus on feeling tonight. “Okay,” I say. “Do your best to make me feel.”

  “Do my best you say? Well then, love, it’s time for you to let me take care of you for a while.”

  And he does. He caresses me from the top of my shoulders down my left side to mid-thigh. His touch is electric and ignites an energy in my body I’ve never felt before. His strong hands devote time to each erogenous zone making sure that I know how he feels for me. Then he repeats the pattern in reverse from my thigh to my breasts, before straddling me. “Are you sure?” I say, before he kisses me hard.

  “I need this, Amber,” he says, locking eyes with me. Propped up on his arms, he runs his fingers through my hair in a soothing motion. “I need to be inside you. To feel you. To love you.”

  And I let him. All night long.

  Chapter 15

  It’s Sunday afternoon and Matt and I decide to go to my parents’ house for dinner. Chris and Kevin will be there and I know Matt needs to start getting back to normal. It also gives me a chance to raid my own closet for a couple more outfits so I don’t have to wear the same thing over and over each week. I didn’t anticipate that I’d stay with Matt this long, but we’re both so comfortable that I don’t want to sleep anywhere else.

  “Mom, we’re here,” I shout as we make our way through the house to the kitchen.

  “Your dad is outside with the guys checking on the meat. He decided he needed to do some grilling today.” She rolls her eyes and smiles. My dad loves to grill and she knows it, so us coming over is just an excuse for him to do what he loves.

  “Matt, if you want to head on out, I’ll bring another round of drinks to you all,” Mom says, not stopping from what she’s doing and continues moving around the kitchen.

  “Thanks so much,” he says. I stand on my tiptoes to give him a light kiss before he heads through the back door to hang out with the guys.

  The door barely closes before Mom is asking me twenty questions. “How’s he doing? He looks good.”

  She’s right. He does look good. “The bruises are almost healed and his headaches are much better. He’s started going outside more without pain, so that’s good.”

  “That’s great, honey,” she says. “Can you help me with this?”

  She holds out the hand mixer and I know what she’s asking me to do. Mom’s mashed potatoes are my favorite so of course I’ll do whatever she asks.

  “Everything is measured and ready to go in.” She points to the bowls of cream cheese and heavy cream that she’s put aside. I dump everything onto the steaming potatoes and turn the mixer on full blast. I know that sounds crazy but Mom has had this mixer since I was a kid so full blast isn’t exactly warp speed.

  “Are you ever going to get a new mixer?” I ask as I stop to add a bit of salt and pepper.

  “There is no reason to replace something because it’s a little slower than before,” she says. “I mean if that was the case, I’d have already replaced your dad.” Then she laughs.

  “Mom,” I say snort laughing. One more whirl with the mixer and the potatoes are creamy and fluffy. I open the drawer to get a spoon out for a taste when I hear her talking to Dad through the window, as if he can actually hear her.

  “Five minutes, boys. Get that meat done.” She points to the grill and Dad smiles back at her, like he knows he’s on her time schedule. I’m so fortunate to have parents who love me, and each other. I can’t imagine how I would have turned out if I didn’t have the
m as an example. It’s funny now that I think about it, I have the best example of love in my parents. Yes, they bicker, but they always make up. And the only time I’ve ever seen my dad sleep anywhere other than their bed is when he sleeps in his chair because he’s not feeling well and he doesn’t want Mom to get whatever he has. Now that’s love.

  I take the bowl of potatoes to the table before heading back to the cabinet and getting the plates out. “Thanks for having us over, Mom. I’ve missed you guys.”

  “We’ve missed you too, Amber, but I’m glad that you’re able to be there for Matt. It’s a great way to bond.”

  We continue chatting as I set the table and Mom finishes the salad. She pulls out the rolls from the oven about the same time Dad and the guys come in with a platter of steaks and asparagus.

  “Anyone hungry?” Dad asks as he places the platter in the middle of the table.

  “Me,” Chris and I shout at the same time. It doesn’t matter how old we are, when Dad asks if we’re hungry, we always raise our hands like toddlers. Chris loads up the glasses with ice and Kevin pours us each a glass of Mom’s mint limeade. It’s basically an alcohol-free mojito that she makes in the summer.

  After all the glasses are on the table, Dad says how thankful he is for us all being together tonight. We’ve never been a super religious family, but he always takes a moment to give his thanks for us and Mom.

  We pass the dishes around and pile our plates with too much food. I am keeping some room in my belly because it wouldn’t shock me to see that Mom has a dessert of some sort hidden away for us. Chris loves pound cake and Dad prefers chocolate chip cookies, so who knows what we could get.

  The guys start talking about baseball and if the Cubs have much of a chance this year. We’re true blue Cubs fans. I’ve heard Chicago has another team, but we don’t acknowledge them.

  “I think we’re going to catch a game soon. One of my clients has offered me tickets,” Kevin says. “If either of you guys would like to join us, please let me know.”

  “That would be great,” Matt says. “I’d love to get back to my life soon.”

  “Take it slow, Matt,” Mom says. “We want you to feel better, but don’t push it.”