Breathe: A Love’s Complicated Novel Read online

  “Matt?” I say when I answer the phone. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  “Amber?” I hear my name on the other end of the phone but it’s not Matt.

  “It’s me. What’s wrong? Where’s Matt?” My heart is beating wildly out of my chest.

  “It’s Ryan. I have Matt’s phone.” He takes a deep breath and I imagine him running his hand down his face. “He was in an accident tonight and is in the hospital.”

  “No,” I yell and jump out of bed. “Is he okay? He’s not dead is he? Talk to me, Ryan. Please.” I can’t stop talking long enough to let him tell me what’s going on. I flip on the light and wipe the tears from my face while pulling my hair into a messy bun.

  Twice in one night, I have received news of someone I care about being in the hospital. What a birthday.

  “He’s okay, Amber. He was hit by a car and they took him back for testing.”

  “Hit by a car? Are you serious? How? What happened?” I spit out, while running around my bedroom searching for something clean to throw on. Leggings and a thin, long sleeve T-shirt will do. I strip out of my pajamas and quickly redress.

  “Take a deep breath. He’s going to be okay. We’re just waiting on some information from the doctor.”

  “Where are you? I’m coming.” I’m whisper shouting so I don’t wake everyone in the house.

  “We’re at Northwestern. In the emergency waiting room.” I can’t believe how calm he sounds.

  “Don’t leave. No matter what. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  I don’t stop to think before sliding my feet into a pair of flip-flops and grabbing the keys to my mom’s car. I don’t drive often because parking in the city is a mess but I need to get there fast and can park in the garage. I run back to the dining room and leave a note saying I had an emergency and took the car so they don’t think it was stolen. I head toward the garage before running back inside to add to my note: P.S. Chris is FINE. A friend was in an accident and I’m going to Northwestern.

  I drive like a bat out of hell trying to get to the hospital. Thankfully, at three in the morning traffic isn’t at a complete stand still. I park crooked in the closest parking spot I can find and then run toward Matt. I stop at the information desk and ask where the emergency wing is because I’ve never been here. Before she finishes giving me directions, I’ve taken off.

  As soon as I crash through the doors, I see Ryan pacing back and forth with a bunch of other guys. “Ryan,” I cry. “Where is he? Is he okay?” I’m starting to hyperventilate.

  Ryan places his hands on my shoulders before telling me to breathe. “Breathe, Amber.” He turns me around and pushes me into a chair. “Put your head between your legs and breathe. Slowly. In. Out. Count each breath.”

  It seems as though Ryan is well versed in dealing with anxious women. I count to five and then start over, doing it a couple of times before I look up at him. “Please tell me he’s okay.”

  “We’re still waiting on news. They took them both back at the same time and now it’s just a waiting game.” He sits down beside me.

  “Who else was hurt?” I ask in a quiet voice.

  “Kyle. He was struck first and Matt jumped to help him before the car grazed him.”

  It’s then that I start blubbering. Looking around I realize I’m in a room full of hot men. Thankfully, no one other than Ryan even notices. They’re preoccupied with news of Kyle and Matt.

  A couple of minutes later a man comes out in scrubs and asks for the family of Kyle Graham. Everyone turns to the doctor and stares. “That’s us,” the guys say at once as they surround the doctor.

  “Mr. Graham is out of surgery and he will be fine. His leg has been set and he’s going to be here for a couple days, but we expect a full recovery.” Everyone cheers and then asks about Matt.

  “How’s Matt?”

  “Is he okay?”

  “Any news on Matt?”

  The doctor steps back from the crowd. I don’t think I’d want to face this crew if I didn’t have answers.

  “I don’t have any information on Mr. Greenstone yet. I need to get back to my patient, but I’ll find someone to come speak to you as soon as we have information.”

  The group turns back around and so many of them are talking all at once that I can’t understand anything. I decide to go back to my corner.

  I look up and realize it’s after five and declare it an acceptable time to text Carrigan.

  Amber: Carrigan, are you awake?

  Carrigan: No.

  Amber: Matt was in an accident.

  Carrigan: I’m awake. What happened?

  Amber: He was hit by a car. We’re waiting on details now.

  Carrigan: We? How do you know?

  Amber: Ryan called me.

  Carrigan: Well then . . .

  Amber: Don’t “well then” me. I just thought you would want to know.

  Carrigan: Thank you for telling me. I’ll be there after I shower.

  Amber: No biggie. I don’t know when we will know anything.

  Carrigan: See you soon. He’ll be okay. I have faith.

  Amber: Later.

  It isn’t long before one of the wives—I presume—brings in a cart loaded with coffee and breakfast sandwiches for the guys. It’s a mad dash to the cart for sustenance. They say quick a “thank you” as they tear off wrappers and pour coffee before returning to their seats. I imagine that they didn’t even realize they were hungry until the breakfast smell wafted toward their noses.

  About the time the last sandwich is grabbed from the tray, I decide I can’t sit here any longer and walk to the nurses’ station to try to get some answers.

  “Could you tell me anything about Matt Greenstone? We’ve been waiting for hours.”

  “The doctor will be out in just a few to talk to you all,” she says and tries to smile, but it comes across as fake and that doesn’t settle my stomach in any way.

  “Thank you,” I mumble as I shuffle back to my chair in the corner. I sit and drop my chin to my chest before saying a quick prayer that Matt is going to be okay.

  It’s then that I wonder if someone has called Matt’s parents. I haven’t met them, but I’m sure Ryan has. It’s at that moment Ryan comes over, sits beside me, and reaches for my hand. “Does he know?” he asks.

  “Does he know what?” I ask, confused as to what Ryan is talking about. I look down the hall at the nurses’ station and see a doctor heading this way. I jump up and pull my hand out of Ryan’s before walking to him.

  “How is he, Doc?” Ryan asks before I’m able to get the words out.

  “He’s going to be okay. He has a concussion and a lot of scrapes and bruises. We’ve cleaned him up and he’s settled in a room.” A collective sigh escapes each guy’s mouth.

  “Can we see him?” the captain asks the doctor. His name tag says Kendall, and Matt has mentioned Captain Kendall before so I assume it’s the same guy.

  “Sure, no more than two at a time. Let him rest. We’re going to keep him a day or two for observation before he’s released. But no work for at least two weeks.”

  Captain Kendall tells the guys to head out and he’ll update everyone later. Then he follows the path the doctor took to see Kyle.

  The guys disperse quickly—some headed to see Kyle and some follow the captain to Matt’s room. It’s then that I remember to ask Ryan about Matt’s parents.

  “Has anyone called Matt’s family?”

  His response is shocking. “His brother is here. He works with us, usually on a different shift. But someone called him in too so he was working.” Wait, what? I was aware he had a brother, but not that he worked at the station with Matt.

  “Um, I didn’t know he had a brother who worked with you guys?” The shock is evident as I gasp and my mouth falls open.

  “Oh yeah, we all joined around the same time. Miles doesn’t hang out with us much though, because he has a little girl.”

  Wow, I think to myself. I feel like I sho
uld have asked more about his family.

  “Does that mean he called his parents?”

  “Miles called his parents but they have Aly tonight, and since we didn’t think it was life threatening, they decided to come after they drop her off at school this morning.”

  Well, at least they know. I can’t imagine how they felt getting that news. I start to wonder why Ryan didn’t introduce me to Miles. Oh well, there isn’t much I can do now.

  I can finally take a breath and feel my heart slowing down. Then I hear someone calling my name. “Amber, is he okay?”

  I see Carrigan running down the hall looking like she stepped out of a fashion magazine. I look down at my yoga pants and flip-flops and try to smooth my hair back to no avail. It is what it is at this moment.

  “He’s going to be fine. The doctor came out and told us it’s a concussion and he’s scraped up a bit, but he will recover.” She launches herself into my arms and hugs me tight.

  “Hi, Ryan,” she waves at him. “That’s great news,” she says pulling me toward the chairs. “Have you been to see him?”

  We sit in the chairs and she throws her giant handbag into the chair next to her. “No, the guys are with him now.” She blows out a big breath and then looks at me.

  Now that she knows he’s okay, she slightly pouts her lips and narrows her eyes at me in a smirk. Oh geez, I recognize that face and I really want to wipe it away. I know she’s trying to hold back but she has so many things to say and I’m pretty sure it’s along the same lines as what Ryan was asking me before the doctor came out to see us.

  We chat for a few minutes before Captain Kendall strolls back to the waiting room. “Amber, he’s asking for you.”

  What? Matt is asking for me? “How does he know I’m here?” I blurt out.

  The captain belly laughs. “He wanted me to tell everyone to go home until I asked if that included you.”

  “Well then, I better get back there,” I say and laugh for the first time today. My cheeks heat up and flush pink.

  “Ryan,” he says, “go with her and make sure she gets home later.” He smiles at us before he heads out. I’m sure he’s exhausted and needs a bit of rest now that he knows the guys are going to recover.

  “Carrigan,” Ryan says. “I’ll let him know you’re here if you want to stay.”

  She looks around and shakes her head. “Tell him I’ll come by when he gets home,” she says, then she reaches for her bag and follows the same long hallway the captain just walked down.

  “Oh, and don’t worry, we’ll talk soon, Amber,” Carrigan says over her shoulder and waves at the same time Ryan grabs my hand and pulls me down the hallway to Matt.

  Chapter 12

  My body feels like it’s full of lead weighing me down and making each step harder than the one before. I know that sounds terribly dramatic but my heart is beating at an extraordinarily rapid rate and I feel heavy all over. This isn’t the first time I’ve had these feelings, but it’s the first time I’ve acknowledged them in relation to Matt.

  We’ve been casually dating for six months, and it’s not that I don’t want more from Matt, it’s that I don’t trust myself to make smart decisions when it comes to men. For years, Jake was maintaining two relationships. Yes, he traveled quite a bit. Yes, he left out details when he was talking about his trips. Honestly, I thought it was because they were high profile clients and relationships he was trying to cultivate. Not because I wasn’t good enough for him. And I never once thought he was cheating.

  Why did thoughts of Jake have to pop into my head when I’m going to see Matt? If only I could find a spell to vanish my memories of him. Oh well, life doesn’t really work that way.

  “You ready,” Ryan says pulling me toward a door at the end of the hall and out of my reverie.

  “Of course not,” I say. “Is anyone ever ready to see someone they care about in the hospital?”

  Ryan chuckles and pushes open the door to Matt’s room.

  “I’m going to stay out here and let you guys chat first. He doesn’t need all the stimulation from so many people,” I say and step back while shooing him in.

  “Are you sure?” he says.

  “Of course, I’m sure. Just go.” I wave him inside and slide down the wall closing my eyes.

  Just a few minutes later Ryan pops his head out the door and gestures for me to come in. “He’s asking for you.”

  I pull myself up and shake off the feeling of dread before walking through the door. Ryan steps outside just as I hear Matt call for me, “Amber?”

  I do an internal count to five and force my body into the room. When I see Matt lying on the bed in the dark room with a bandage on his head, arms, and leg, I start to cry. The doctor said he was okay but he doesn’t look it.

  “Come here, Red, I’m fine.” He pats the bed beside him and pulls the blanket up for me to crawl in alongside him but I stand there sobbing.

  “Shhh,” he says. “If you’re going to cry, can you do it a little quieter? This head”—he points upwards—“can’t handle the noise.”

  My sob turns into a snort because even though he’s in pain he’s trying to make me laugh. I wipe the tears off my cheeks and walk closer to his bed. “Let me look at you,” I say in a hushed tone. “I need to make sure you’re okay.”

  It’s then that he throws the covers all the way off and I check him out from head to toe. His arms are wrapped in white bandages but nothing is oozing and I don’t see blood anywhere. His torso is bruised and starting to turn colors, but there aren’t any extra holes. I sigh loudly and then run my fingers up and down each leg making sure they are okay. I realize that he really is okay and all the parts work as his arousal starts to show itself.

  “I guess you really are okay,” I whisper and crawl onto the way too small hospital bed and lightly place my head on his chest.

  “I told you I was fine. It’s going to take more than a car to take me out.”

  A few minutes later, I’m startled by the sound of the door opening and a nurse coming in to take his vitals. I roll myself off the bed and step into the bathroom while she goes about her business. When I open the door and walk back to the bed, she waves at me and takes her leave. He needs his sleep, but I can’t bear to leave him so I grab the chair from the corner and make myself as comfortable as I can and watch him sleep.

  I sit in the chair saying a prayer of thanks that he is okay. Maybe Carrigan and Ryan were right to ask me about my feelings for him. Matt is a very special person and I can’t imagine my life without him in it.

  “Shit,” I say, my inside voice jumping out of my mouth. Thankfully, Matt doesn’t stir and I’m glad I haven’t woken him.

  I really can’t imagine my life without him. I know I care about him deeply, however, until now, I haven’t considered whether maybe I love him.

  A couple of hours later, I take a trip to the cafeteria for some sustenance. It’s not as though the food is gourmet, but it’s good enough for me. I’m beyond starving. While I stand in line paying for my sandwich, chips, and a cup of tea, I hear voices that I recognize as Jake’s parents. I gather my change and toss it into the bottom of my bag, then turn looking for a place to sit.

  Yesterday may have been my birthday but with everything that has gone on, it feels like days have passed. Between Matt and Kyle’s accident and learning that Phoebe has a brain tumor, I’m emotionally spent.

  I walk to a booth along the window and place my stuff down before heading to the condiment bar. I gather up my supplies and some napkins when I hear Mr. Adams say, “Amber, is that you?”

  “Hi, Mr. Adams,” I say turning around and making eye contact with him.

  “Is everything okay?” he says. “We didn’t expect to see you today.”

  Well, this is awkward. How do I tell him I’m not here for Phoebe?

  “Actually, my uh . . . my boyfriend is here. He was in an accident last night.” Fine, I said it. I called him my boyfriend.

  “Oh, I hope he�
�s okay,” he says. His normally tan face seems pale and his clothes are less than perfect, which is normal when someone is in the hospital, but far from his normal.

  “Thank you. We’ve been assured he’s going to be just fine.” I glance toward my booth to make sure my purse and everything is still where I left it.

  “That’s good to hear. Have you been to see Phoebe yet? I know she’d love to see you.” It’s at that moment that Mrs. Adams walks up to us. This is so uncomfortable. I’ve not seen them since before I left Jake and I have no idea what he told them. I heard from Phoe that he’s married and seems happy but it’s still weird.

  “Oh, Amber,” Mrs. Adams says. “It’s so nice to see you. It seems as though it’s been forever.”

  “Nice to see you guys too. I need to get back upstairs, but I’ll stop in to see Phoebe before I leave.” I dart away from where they’re standing and walk over to the booth to gather my things. I toss my sandwich and chips into my bag with the cream and sugar and leave the cafeteria the same way I entered.

  I find an empty waiting room and stop to fix my coffee and eat my sandwich in peace before heading back up to Matt’s room. When I walk in, the doctor is talking to him so I don’t say anything, just move to my chair and sit down to listen.

  “We’re going to keep you for a couple days since you’ve got a concussion and are quite bruised. We want to make sure nothing changes before sending you home since you live alone,” the doctor says. “Any questions?”

  “Not from me,” Matt says. “Do you have any questions, Red?”

  I shake my head before responding, “No questions from me.”

  The doctor makes some notes on Matt’s chart at the end of the bed and then leaves without saying anything else. I’m not sure what I expected him to say but goodbye, maybe?

  “Come lie down with me,” he says. “I feel better when you’re tucked in right beside me.” How can I say no to that? I mean he’s in pain and he says I make him feel better, so instead of questioning myself I do exactly as he requests. I sit on the side of the bed and slip my shoes off before crawling in beside him. We sleep that way until the next vitals check.